Self

***WARNING***
This is a very personal blog I am writing for myself. If you do not wish to read it, proceed no further.
If so, I will see you at the bottom of the page.

I read a blog towards the end of the year that really helped me. (here)

I feel like a major hypocrite.
A hypocrite that is way hard on myself.
I have allowed myself to become a victim of the media and the idea they portray of what makes a woman beautiful.
I have never in my life been "skinny."
Maybe I was skinny as a young child, but since I hit puberty I have been heavier than my peers.
It was hard as a young girl to be heavy and to deal with the pressures of everyone around me. It was hard to deal with being made fun of.
We as a society of women are constantly bombarded with images of supermodel-type women.
You know the type.
It makes everyone feel bad about themselves.
I personally beat myself up for not being skinny.
Yes, I need to lose weight and to be healthy. (But that isn't my point here)

I got to thinking a few months ago about what it would be like to have a little girl. (Thanks to my Hubby wanting one...)
I was thinking about how I would want to teach her to be comfortable in her own skin.
How it didn't matter what she weighed, but as long as she was active and healthy and doing the Lord's work it wasn't relevant what the scale told her.
I would want her to feel beautiful ALL the time.
I would want her to know that she doesn't have to have the trendiest clothes to be beautiful.
I would want to her know that a woman who is confident and comfortable in their own skin is the most beautiful woman there could be.

Thinking about these things, I realized that if she existed now she would probably never believe those things.
We get our self-confidence from our parents, especially as children. (Yes, our peers play a huge role as well.)
But as children we watch how our parents talk about themselves.
If as a mother I was always talking about how ugly and how fat I am, what would that tell my daughter?
If she believes I am superwoman (as I would hope she does) and that she wants to one day grow up to be just like me, what would that tell her about herself?
If I talk about how ugly and fat I am, how would that make her feel?
I am so guilty of this.
My husband would tell me all the time how beautiful and pretty I am. (and still does.)
My initial response as soon as he says it, "You're lying.", or "No I'm not, I'm so fat and ugly."
How does that make him feel?
If he believes I am beautiful, can I not just reply with a "Thank you."
No, because I truly didn't believe that I was beautiful.
I didn't realize my worth.

I am a CHILD of GOD.
 "But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light;" -1Peter 2:9

I got so caught up in wanting to look as the world would have every woman look, and I felt ugly and looked it too.
I was sour and depressed on the inside.
It truly shows on our outside how we feel about ourselves inside.

I have made it a personal goal to try to not "fat talk" or "ugly talk" myself.
I want to tell myself (Yes, even in my head) that I am beautiful.
I am worth something to someone.
I am confident.
I am positive.
I am loving.
I am kind.
I am an encourager.
I am happy.

I've read before that if you aren't confident about something, you "fake it till you make it."
I'm going to fake it till I make it and am all these things.

I can't be a positive light in the world for Christ if I am negative and ugly toward myself.
If I were to follow the command of "....Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself..." -Mark 12:31, I would be hateful to my neighbor.
I would say ugly things about them and be a huge discouragement.
I am doing these things to myself.

I MUST start loving myself so that I can have the ability to love those around me and all that I come in contact with.

I am challenging myself to say positive things to ME.
Will you join me in saying positive things to you?